no longer the milking cow

Yesterday was monumental for me.

With dinner I actually ordered…..WINE.  *gasp*

You see I have been breastfeeding my adorable little girl for the past 8 1/2 months and didn’t feel right about drinking wine or most alcohol beverages.  Its been quite a journey of ups and downs, biting, milk supply issues, gaining weight due to the beer drinking (yah it seems like I just contradicted myself, but it was supposed to help my milk supply issues.  Really, it deserves an entire post).  Basically, I had HAD IT.  My goal was 6 months and I was way past my limit of feeling like a moo-ing cow.

But you see I have an extremely stubborn and strong-willed child.  I have NO idea where she got that *cough, cough*  And she simply REFUSED to take ANY formula.  It droves me completely bonkers.  You see, a bottle makes everything better.  It makes it so I can actually go out in public and feed my starving and cherub faced daughter a meal without having to get half naked.  Some people are ok with that scenario, but I’m not one of them.

I tried using one of these

Yah, that was a no go.  Bradyn thought that I was trying to suffocate her and would freak out and cry.  Which in turn would make strangers stare at me.  My favorite times were in the airport and on a plane.  Love the feeling of intense scrutiny from strange people in small spaces while trying not to expose my private areas.  Really really fun times.

I have tried nursing in the back of my car, you know, which doesn’t make me feel dirty in the least.  *cough*  Especially when creepy passerbyers casually stroll just a little too slowly peering in the window.  Fun times.  Good thing my windows are tinted and has shades on them.  But still…..

And yes, I have certainly tried using breast milk in the bottle, which was great up until I struggled with making enough for my growing baby.  Then it turned into a stress case which of course completely helps the situation.  Um, yah.

The pediatrician had tried helping my case by giving me different kinds of formula for her to try, thinking it was a taste issue.  I tried them all and none of them were up to par with my discerning daughter.  She wanted the real stuff or nothing at all.  Stinker.

Finally the doctor suggested putting juice in the bottle to mix with the formula.

DING!  DING!  DING!

WE HAVE FOUND A WINNER!

I’m FREE!

Finally she took formula, although it is still a bit of a struggle, it has only taken a little bit of time before she understood that this was the new normal.

And there folks is how I was able to have a glass of wine with dinner.

wordpress or blogspot

I’ve had a short lived blog on blogspot.

I’ve been here on wordpress for a while.

There are pros and cons to both.

Blogspot has difficulty uploading pics and videos but you can customize it more easily.

WordPress is incredibly easy to upload and you can even drag and drop found pictures from the internet but customization is far more difficult.

Anybody have any thoughts?

I feel like its a my space vs. face book thing.

Style or substance.

Plus I’m thinking of getting a whole new blog with a new name and everything.  Question is should I go with my real name or not.  I’m thinking I just might.

Somebody help!

hello reader

Hey there.

Yah yah, you don’t have to say it.  I know.

I know.

I’ve abandoned all of you.  Ok, one of you since nobody reads anymore.

Here’s the thing.  I’m going to let you in on a secret.

No, its not just that I am a brand new mom and going through a brand new mom phase.  Like, how do I balance my home, making meals, friends, baby feedings and oh yah….. my sanity.

No, its not that.

I’ve been living a double life.

I had another blog.

*GASP*

I know.  If you squinted and tilted your head you might confuse me with 007.  Almost.

Well, more people in my “real life” found out about my “internet life” and it began to bother me.  Don’t get the wrong idea.  Its not like my internet life was so much different than my real life.  It wasn’t really any different at all.  It’s just that I wanted a place the opposite of Cheers.

I didn’t want anybody to know my name.  I even made up a name for myself.  But I made a couple of mistakes and people found out.

It was ok at first.  Some friends, even some family.  But then things went sour.  A friendship ended.  Someone I desperately didn’t want to find out did.  It got ugly and I got scared.

Again, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I just wanted a little bit of privacy.

So what did I do?

Did I confront the situation?  Did I handle it with maturity and grace?

Nope.

I let my subscription on the internet name run out.

I hid.

But somehow that gave me freedom.

I still feel like I don’t know where to land.  But I do miss writing.  And I have had several posts written in my head for a while now.  And I desperately want to share in the cuteness overload that is my daughter.

But I also miss my annonymity and the freedom to really just say anything without fear of someone who actually knows me, know how I really feel.

Stupid really.

So here I sit on this near abandoned blog ready to type but fearful of what to say.

So I’ll stick to the basics for a while until I figure it all out.

Until then, have some cute for breakfast.  Its delicious and nutritious.